happier_here

Title: Rules aren't meant to be broken
Author: happier_here
Rating: PG-13
Show: Criminal Minds
Pairing: pre - Erin Strauss / Emily Prentiss
Spoilers: In Birth and in Death (3x02)
Summary: Prequel to The secrets we keep. Erin muses about the BAU-team and the woman that she put on it to resume control. 
Author's notes: My attempt to get into Erin Strauss's head. 

Erin has always liked law and order. Even as a little girl, she always kept everything tidy, because she knew every toy had its own place. Her parents loved her for this and also because she had no other problems behaving. Sure, she’d argue from time to time, but when push came to shove, she’d respectfully follow their lead. She would have been a perfect little angel, if it wasn’t for her one flaw: she absolutely detested it when others didn’t follow the rules. She liked playing with other kids, especialy if board games were involved, but when she caught the others cheating, all hell would break loose. She would scream and kick them. And she never quite understood why it was her who got in trouble afterwards. Years later however, she would learn that a cold glare or some carefully placed words were much more effective than violence. 

Nobody was really surprised when she went of to law school. But by the time she passed her bar exams, she knew the court room wasn’t where she wanted to be. The thought of defending criminals, even white collared ones, disgusted her. And experience told her that fighting the good fight for the Justice Department, would only serve to frustrate her, seeing guilty men after men being set free by incompetent juries. So she decided that she wanted a more active role in keeping the peace, and she applied for the Bureau. There she found out that there was something she detested more than criminals: law enforcers abusing the very laws they were supposed to protect.

Being relentless in her search for bad apples, she’d quickly gotten a reputation. It worked as double-edged sword. On one hand, it made her fly through the ranks, getting higher quicker than she had suspected a woman could. (It only fueled her ambitions.) On the other, she became wildly unpopular amongst her coworkers. Going out day by day to work in a hostile environment wasn’t easy. When her first child was born, she debated giving it all up and devoting her life to the perfect little creature in her arms. But by the end of her pregnancy leave, she got restless and she knew she had to get back to her work. Having a family at home, with an understanding husband (now ex-husband), got her through the hardest days. And after a while, it got surprisingly easier: higher up in the chain of command, she could demand the respect she deserved.  

After all, everybody had to admit: her units worked like a wel oiled machine. All her units, except one. And it annoyed the hell out of her. Not that the BAU didn’t function properly on paper. Many cases were solved and several murderers were put away. The team was popular as well. The fact that they were going after serial killers, real-life monsters, gave them a heroic air. Like they were Knights of the Round Table, instead of agents who still had to follow the rules. Those compliments were what made it the worst for her, because she knew Aaron Hotchner was undeserving. His team was competent, but had serious issues. She had heard the rumors of cold-blooded murder, drug abuse and other scandals. Even though nothing could be proven, her gut told her the stories were true. Hotchner had lost control and had to be replaced.

Control was everything. She knows what most of her agents still call her behind her back: bitch, fire breathing dragon, ... She’s not naieve enough to think that that had changed with her new position. But they can think what they will, as long as she can control what they do. So if she ever catches an agent behaving in a disrespectful way towards her or another superior, they were in a world of trouble. Disrespect was unacceptable. A leader should be in command every single moment of the day, and even the slightest bit of back talk could affect their position.

So she doesn’t quite understand why she lets Emily Prentiss get away with it. After all, she should be punished for her infraction. Two infractions, actually. For biting the hand that fed her, and for disrespecting her in public. She defied her order and went of facing an unsub alone. Her original intelligence had been correct: Prentiss was a reckless agent and should have never gotten a place on one of her teams. But she’d seen an opportunity and taken it. After meeting ambassador Prentiss, she had been sure that Emily was the same as her: on her way to the top. Which should have made it easier for Erin to manipulate her after she had settled in into her new job. But she fit in too perfectly. Prentiss was one of them, a knight, arrogant and brazen, going in with her sword drawn, hoping to slay the monsters.

Erin admits she was scared, sitting outside of that man’s house, just waiting and hoping that the other woman would be fine. Her blood ran cold when she saw the other woman being carried outside, her beautiful face marred with blood. Stupid, foolish girl. She should have listened to her, to reason. But instead of reprimanding her, when she walked over to the ambulance, she actually congradulated her for a job well done...

She later rationalized her decisions made that day by telling herself that maybe the BAU is the exception that makes the rule. She had seen for herself that the team worked better under Hotchner, against all odds. She doesn’t like it, but she can accept a temporary defeat. For now she’ll leave them be for as long as their cases keep being solved and their reputation doesn’t worsen.

But she’ll keep an eye on them. On all of them. But mostly on Emily Prentiss.